cp13

South Island trip

Alex, James G, Mark and Rowan (one of our instructers) flew down to South Island for a few days to take in some mountain flying. The weather held and a good time was had by all. A detailed write up will follow in a couple of days but in the meantime do feast your eyes on the South Island trip photo section in the photo album and marvel at the stunning scenery.

Inbound

Currently, cp13 is trying to get as much of the flying syllabus complete as possible before returning to the UK on 6 Aug. Therefore there is a distinct lack of events leading to a drought in terms of witty and amusing posts. On the up side, we shall be over the custard and back in Blighty to show off five months worth of NZ living in T minus 14 days, AND COUNTING...

KB's little accident

Following a long day at the office KB retired to bed for a pre dinner sleep. Some of the boys thought it would be amusing to put his hand in some warm water to see if the urban myth was true...

A thief in the night

Clearly having learned some tricks from whoever burgled their house and stole their pots, pans and chopping board (bizarrely leaving 6 laptops, a large TV and DVD player etc.), the cheeky northern monkeys of cp16 have stolen Henry, who belongs to cps 12 and 13. Beware catnappers.

Funny hat evening

James G had decided that the only way not to have a hangover was to get straight on the scotch upon waking on Sunday morning (this is taken early evening...), Alex was still intoxicated, Mark R had been in recovery for twenty-four hours, KB had just got out of the shower, CS had just returned from a cross country, Mark B had been at the hairdresser and Lonkshanks Price was on his daily visit.

It was decided (James G's idea) that we would have a funny hat evening - headgear to be donned while watching Harry Potter 1 on NZ TV (at least that was the intention, the perculiar adverts in this country are far more entertaining).

For all of the photographs do visit the new photo album, Funny Hat Harry.

Look at the state of it...

God knows what KB's mother must have thought when she and her friend came round for a cup of tea and and a piece of cake - only to be greeted by an open bedroom door and the state of this at three in the afternoon. Alex, in the latter stages of his 3-day bender, then proceeded to get up, eat a piece of cake and promptly polish off the wine that KB's mother had kindly brought, while filling us in on the previous night's shenanigans (our visitors probably didn't need to hear most of it)...before heading out again.

And then CS arrives home with a curry and a large bottle of scotch...

Go Karting independent race report

Following the last go karting grand prix (which to remind you finished with cp13 having risen six places from a start at the back of the field, despite it being only their second day in NZ and suffering from jet lag).

This time they were out for nothing more and nothing less than an unequivocal win.

The realisation that they had the slowest (the fastest lap times prove this indisputably by the way) kart on the track was initially horrifying, however the race strategy was modified accordingly with more emphasis put on defensive driving in the straights and gaining time on both superior cornering techniques and timely, slick pit stops.

Alex (pictured in car 1 about to lap cp14) had some bad luck in the opening laps and dropped from pole to last place due to CS taking him out (CS didn't make it into the official cp13 A team, being only the test driver), but with some help from Lonkshanks 'the steering doesn't work and i've hit the tyre wall - again' Price some ground was made up, especially ploughing upfield through the other traffic as they got to grips with the track.

Through some inspired trackside decision making, cp13 managed to work their way back up to first place stealing a position and gaining time with a pit stop, although then slipped to second as cps 14, 15 and 12 picked up some techniques. Mark R held off cp15's Sasha for 10 laps before cp12 came through to be the contenders for second place. Alex held off Nik 'the teeth' of cp16 brilliantly with dental precision, using some fiendish defensive tactics - almost forcing him into the wall on a number of occasions, having brought the cp'non-contenders'16 driver in close only to flick around on a tight racing inside line, running wide and dominantly aggressive on the exit.

Overall, cp13 pulled off one of their most remarkable strategic coups to win the 200 lap endurance race, overcoming stern challenges from 14 and 12 by switching to a bold pit strategy early on in the race.

The ploy enabled James G to leapfrog 15 and 14 at the second round of driver changes and pull out a big enough cushion on a clear track to secure the lead, ending up with Mark B just having to make up one place and then hold on for his second drive.

“We saw that there was no risk to fall back, only the opportunity to go forward,” explained the cp13 spokesman, “We knew it was optimistic, but no risk, no fun! So we decided to go for it, and it was just brilliant. Not only the strategy but also the teamwork – the guys did fantastic pit stops.”

He admitted, “It would have been too difficult to overtake the faster karts, so switching to this strategy meant that we could run in free air and use the car. And it’s only a 10-second pit lane here. Everything fell into place"

"Before anyone starts the banter, the vicious rumours of practice sessions and pit stop drills in the living room are strongly denied. The attached photo of KB directing a pits practice session before the drivers left the paddock is a fake and clearly fabricated by bitter members of cps 12 and 14."

cp13 romped to a resounding victory, which clearly had nothing to do with the Sunday morning string backed leather gloved driving abilities of the other teams.

Better luck next time guys, see you all in the rear view mirror.

Murray Walker

A transexual vampire mentalist

Accompanied by cp14 and Andy Hart of cp16 (having lost the rest of 16 and all of 15 on the way), we pitched up at Finn McCools for a beer or two to welcome the new arrivals, well the one we hadn't lost anyway.

The venue, as ever, never ceases to amaze. There was a big banner announcing the band that would be performing, The Big Guys. Marvellous we thought, some live entertainment, although somewhat dubious nomenclature. Two guitarists appeared wearing Clockwork Orange garb, orange shirts, braces, black and white checkered trews and bowler hats. Mmmm...interesting.

Then a very bizarre individual took centre stage and began to sing about transexuals and all manner of sexual deviation. He/she/it can only be described as resembling something like the Penguin character on Batman Returns. It was short and stocky, with make up and a strange moustache and was wrapped up in a large shiny black and red vampire cape thing with a huge collar. Then in some sort of weird gyration it dispensed with the cape to reveal stockings, a frilly black lace vest type thing and various other dodgy Rocky Horror esque accoutrements. The crowd went mad. It was very odd. Mark R admitted to being scared and Alex was convinced we were at some sort of homosexualist fetish night. Bin Price Laden was posted at the door to make sure we didn't get locked in. A rendition of the Time Warp ensued and about 40 odd middle aged folk got up to dance, this must be some sort of weekly event, they all knew it was coming as well as all the moves. It was like some sort of grotesque barn/line dance crossed with a less than perfect synchronised swimming team. The lead then donned a blond wig and did Abba for a bit before the three of them morphed into the village people and continued into a Phil Collins rendition.

Absolutely extraordinary, but highly entertaining.

Moving as we did to the infamous 'Guada' club, we gatecrashed Salsa evening. James George was whisked off to dance with a buxom blonde midget while the rest of us tried to get over a stunning pair of red jeans and a mid 80s Rick Astley leather jacket. Several pints later, Mark R, Alex and the Grifter had secured free tickets to Saturday's 'Deer Stalker Ball' (!) and were instructed to turn up in 'best swannies'(!). Mark B amused himself by hitting some of the keys on the band's piano at random intervals. Andy 'the animal' Hart gave a stirling performance in the drinking stakes, but has still not explained the helicopter on the denim jacket...

Very strangely we all arrived home separately but within 5 minutes of each other.

The moral of the story is - NEVER EVER go to Finn McCools without a camera.

The legends arrive

Here is the first shot of the elusive but already renowned cp16, newly arrived and being entertained by three of cp15. Dan the lady killer holds court, presumably passing on some tips involving where to go for the best that NZ has to offer - straight to the Aero Club to meet everyone's favourite barmaid, Linda, one would imagine.

Stripper

And so a local stripper (and a mighty fine specimen at that(!)) was hired for Adam's (cp10) 21st Birthday last evening, although he did more of a strip than the stripper, weirdly. Must have been the baby oil they paid extra for...